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Joke of the Day

"During the day I don't believe in ghosts, But at night I'm a little bit more open minded"

"Why DID David Cameron fuck a dead pig, anyway? The live ones wouldn't hold still."

"Why did the pervert cross the road? He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken."

"I secretly bought some new trousers without telling my girlfriend Do you think chinos?"

"After a night of heavy drinking' there's one thing I can't stand... and that's up."

"Me: Alexa, did you hear what Siri just said about you?! Alexa: Hold my beer!!!"

"Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision"

"I asked my friend if he could tell me the chemical symbol for Neptunium He said it wasn't a problem but hasn't replied since"

"My favorite workout is a mix between a lunge and a crunch, I call it lunch."

"Why did Napoleon's soldiers wear red buttons on their blue jackets during the battle of Waterloo? ... so that they could close their jackets."