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Joke of the Day
"What did the monkey say when he put his tail on the railroad tracks? It's won't be long now!"
Next Joke
"Why did the Ferguson protesters not participate in Black Friday? Because they have already looted everything they would have bought anyway."
"If dumping the last of your chips into the dip and eating it like cereal is wrong then I don't wanna be right."
"""Why?""- existential owl"
"Shrink: How many true friends do you believe you have? Me: Define ""true friend."" Shrink: Someone you feel you can tell anything. Me: 11,419."
"Thank you, Student Loan, for getting me through college. I don't think I can ever repay you."
"Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg? They won't stop to ask for directions."
"Take me to a bar on an empty stomach and see how quickly I can become much more entertaining than the entire cast of Jersey Shore."
"Boss: ok just bear with me *I growl and start clawing the air* B: wtf are you doing Me: I..You said.. B:first snail mail' now this..Just go"
"Flew out of top hat. Flew out of limousine. Flew out of church. -Dove Resume"