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Joke of the Day

"Take me to a bar on an empty stomach and see how quickly I can become much more entertaining than the entire cast of Jersey Shore."

"Make sure your worst enemy is not living between your own two ears."

"[Star Wars spoiler] What did Han.... Tell Leia after they separated? ----- *May Divorce be with you.*"

"I just overheard a co-worker announce she got tickets to a Nickelback concert. That's all, she was completely serious."

"Why dont applebees employees wear watches? Cuz theres a clock on the microwave"

"I still don't understand why my boss didn't like my idea of playing musical chairs at our next Monday meeting. He asked us for new ideas."

"If the cat's got your tongue, it's your fault. What did you expect, making out with a cat?"

"(NSFW) Why does Beyonce sing ""To the left, to the left""? Because niggers have no rights. or Option 2: Because women have no rights."

"What do you name a girlfriend you haven't had for a long time? Palmela Handerson"

"What is ""attempted theft"" exactly? I mean it's not like you see school librarians seeing a student use Wikipedia on one of the computers and puts them in detention for ""attempted plagiarism"""