221822
Joke of the Day
"[getting murdered] Me: ""Could you please stop for a second?"" *gives murderer a Snickers"
Next Joke
"When my laptop asks ""Are you sure?"", it's because it still remembers all of the other bad decisions I have made."
"Last weekend I prevented a rape. It didn't take much. You can do it too. I finally convinced her"
"What should we call this giant advertising board? Phil: A philboard Bill: I have a better idea"
"For the record..when you get punched in the face..it doesn't make that movie sound...at all."
"They say if you ever get attacked by a shark you should punch it in the nose which is easy cause imagine how composed you would be."
"What do you do with 365 used condoms? Melt them down into a tire and call it a good year."
"Now that it's 2017 I can finally make this joke! I haven't showered since last year! Hahaha"
"The cow goes moo, the sheep goes baa, the cat goes meow... ...the dog goes Ed...Ward."
"For our 25 year anniversary, my wife asked me for a present that goes from 0-200 in seconds. I got her a bathroom scale."