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Joke of the Day

"My friend once told me ""You must be the most pedantic person in the entire world."" ""Third most, actually."""

"When people are trending on twitter, I know that they died or said something racist."

"Idea: ""Celebrity Price Is Right"" where Gwyneth Paltrow guesses that loaves of bread cost $460"

"Q: What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory? A: Proofreading."

"If you want her - tell her. If you need her - show her. If you yearn for her - touch her. Just make sure her husband's not at home."

"I went to Art Therapy to treat my dyslexia. I don't know why they put me in a maze, but the cheese was good."

"An Englishman walks into a pole... He tells him, ""Get the fuck out of my country"""

"Q: How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? A: Down in the mouth!"

"I'm good at 2 things: interviews and first dates... Turns out they're a bit alike. One gets me a job that blows, the other gets me a blowjob."

"""GIMME AN E! ... GIMME ANOTHER E! ... GIMME ANOTHER E! ... GIMME ANOTHER E! ... GIMME ANOTHER E! ..."" - Cheerleader who loves ecstasy"