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Joke of the Day
"Q: How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? A: Down in the mouth!"
Next Joke
"My diet has slowly gone from balanced and nutritious to Augustus Gloop on the first stop of Willy Wonka's tour."
"Women who draw in their eyebrows are making a serious decision about what mood they're in for the rest of that day."
"According to my Nike Fitbit I masturbated 4 miles today"
"How do you stop a monster digging up your garden? Take his spade away."
"I really wish every time I insulted someone, you suddenly hear that ""Oooohhh"" the audience does in sitcom shows."
"Nothing freaks out people like unblinking eye contact in a public restroom. Especially when you do it from underneath the stall divider."
"I MUSTACHE U A QUESTION BUT I WILL SHAVE IT FOR LATER"
"After I die, I want someone to periodically log in as me so it looks like I'm haunting Facebook."
"TIFU by being King of the jungle Lololol I am Lion"