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Joke of the Day

"The cast of ""Game of Thrones"" had a very special visitor Queen Elizabeth. A lot of the Royals on ""Game of Thrones"" get offed. It leads me to believe this visit was arranged by Prince Charles."

"Congratulations. You're 18. On a list of 20 people that I want to kill."

"April showers bring May flowers. And car bombs, suicide bombers, beheadings, etc. Tis the season."

"I use profanity freely because it doesn't seem right to charge you (ya cunt!)"

"My girlfriend called me a peadophile the other day I said 'that's a big word for a 6 year old'"

"I can't say enough good things about my grandmother. She just isn't very nice."

"What's the best part about twenty two year old wheels of cheese? There are twenty of them."

"Officer, I swear there is a simple explanation.. ~me standing in the street with no pants, one sock and a turkey baster in my hand"

"I'm going to propose with a mood ring so I can easily see a measurement of how excited she really is."

"Why is it called the ""funny bone"" when you hit your elbow on something and it tingles? Because it's humerus."