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Joke of the Day
"Congratulations. You're 18. On a list of 20 people that I want to kill."
Next Joke
"You don't really know someone until you get drunk with them."
"Which letter of the alphabet is the laziest? letter G (lethargy)"
"I read an article about a stolen dog being reunited with its owner and it made me feel good to think maybe someone will steal my dog one day"
"Me: *staring into mirror* Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary *skeleton bartender appears and slides me a drink* SB: $8.50, $8.50, $8.50"
"Does England have a Fourth of July? They do, they just don't celebrate it."
"Why was the sun wearing sunglasses? So he could creep hard on uranus"
"I was telling a friend how Jewish people call god by another name, and he was like ""No way!"", and I was like... ""No, seriously. They do."""
"My friend's crazy, he left a bunch of chocolate balls on the floor in his cat's litter box, they're not that good."
"The Goonies went looking for pirate treasure and ended up finding the greatest treasure of all: pirate treasure."