30377

Joke of the Day

"My iPhone just autocorrected ""everyone"" to ""wartime"". I'm not entirely sure what that means but I'm pretty sure we're all going to die."

"How many babies does it take to paint a house? None. The minimum age for physical labour in most places is 13-15 and babies would not be allowed to use the paint"

"Why don't hipsters live in Alaska? Everything is cool there already."

"Damn, girl! Is that a mirror in your pocket?... ...You conceited bitch!"

"fire the chauffeur! Wife: ""I'm gonna fire our chauffeur!!! He's such a pathetic driver, this is the third time he almost got me killed...."" Husband: ""Dear, lets give him another chance."""

"I started reading YouTube comments recently Because cutting myself just wasn't doing the trick anymore."

"didja hear about the new LGBT libretto for Wagner's Der Ring des Nibelungen? The character Brunehilde is now named Brucehilde."

"A suicide bomber goes to Las Vegas to try his luck at the slot machines.... ....he hit the jackpot, and now he's all over the place."

"How do you make soup gold? You put in fourteen carrots."

"What do balloons and virgins have in common? One prick and its gone."