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Joke of the Day

"didja hear about the new LGBT libretto for Wagner's Der Ring des Nibelungen? The character Brunehilde is now named Brucehilde."

"GURU: You have achieved the state of sakrdagamin: you will reach nirvana within seven lifetimes ME: [slipping him a $20] How about six"

"[Little Caesar's meeting] ""We need a new, clever slogan"" *everyone looks at Jim* Jim: Um... Pizza...Pizza? ""Jim...U just saved this company"""

"To make a mistake is human. To admit a mistake is stupid."

"My Wife's MENU had only two items: 1: Eat it or 2: Leave it."

"Guess what I'm going to do if I get Alzheimer's?"

"Skyped my dad today and had a great conversation with his forehead and nose hairs..."

"With the unemployment rate so high, why are people still getting neck tattoos?"

"60% of all secretaries can type... The other 40% are huntn' peckers."

"Why doesnt ray charles see his friends ? Because he is married ."