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Joke of the Day

"So your face, is it permanently like that or are you genuinely surprised every time you take a selfie?"

"[me on a ledge] COP: (through megaphone) WE'VE CALLED SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP! *Kris Kross steps out of a police van*"

"I think my neighbor's dog is in heat. She's been crying the last 2 nights. I may need to take one for the team if I want to get some sleep."

"What do you call a 20 year old spaceship that whines all the time and never wants to run properly? The Millenial Falcon."

"What's Obama's favorite game console? ""The Xbox One"""

"Rescue attempts are being made to save a bull stranded on Mt. Everest Reports confirm that the steaks have never been higher."

"What do you call a kid with two gay black dads? An orphan."

"NyQuil: Because who doesn't like to dream about your cat turning into your dog and your dog taking you for a walk and picking up your poop."

"What do you call a Jihadist that loves turkey? A Tryptophanatic"

"If you played pokemon in Brazil, you might catch a Zikachu"