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Joke of the Day

"Having a traditional Columbus Day. Headed to a casino to hand out blankets with smallpox on them."

"when I was a little kid, my mom told me I could do anything when I grew up. that's why I'm suing her"

"I was gonna make a joke about hitting the gym ...maybe tomorrow"

"What is bright orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot."

"*sends back food because instagram down*"

"My friend handed me broken scissors... I told him this isn't going to cut it."

"Inside me is a skinny woman screaming to get out. I can usually shut her up with a cookie."

"Why did the janitor file for a divorce? He found his wife sweeping with someone else."

"You have so much potential But no kinetic energy, therefore you will never go anywhere in life."

"Why didn't Zeke get that job at the KFC off the interstate? He thought they'd want to hear that back at the farm, he likes doin' chickens right also."