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Joke of the Day

"96% of my life is spent trying to figure out when I can get my next nap in."

"I wouldn't say that Christmas gnomes are cross-eyed but when they cry the tears run down their back!"

"What happened to Loki after he wath hit in hith fathe with Odin'th Hammer? He became Thor."

"What does an American call a Canadian Dollar? A quarter."

"Do Muslims scream Allahu Akbar when they blow their load into a goat? No, they just whisper it so the goat doesn't get startled."

"Trying to get this hot girl at the bar jealous, so I'm slow dancing & making out with a potted plant. It's working, she's been staring at me"

"What do woman and KFC have in common After the breast and the thigh there is nothing left but a greasy box to stick your bone in."

"*leaves a ""beautiful eyes"" comment on all your leg selfies"

"13YO: Why's he happy? He got dog-piled. Me: He made a lot of groundage before getting put down. Husband: Yardage. Tackled. PLEASE LEAVE."

"What did Hitler name his network switch to? Auswitch"