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Joke of the Day

"Go ahead, mate with someone who wears glasses, add to the degradation of our eyesight as a species. Not like there are bears we need to spot"

"Hangin with my peeps at the club. Biting their heads off, one by one. Enjoying their marshmallow deliciousness."

"What's the difference between a dilapidated bus stop and a lobster with a breast implant? One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean. Heard very recently and just had to share."

"What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes."

"Thought I saw a walking burrito but it was just a pug in a raincoat."

"Bill Clinton was surprised to find his old sandwich maker is ahead 12 points in the polls."

"Life is like a box of chocolates. People repeating the same movie quotes over and over until words have no meaning peanut tambourine ocelot"

"hey maybe ur parents care so much about ur birthday becuase it celebrates how long theyve been able to keep something alive for"

"I don't make the same mistake twice. I make it at least 5-6 times to be sure."

"If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it... then my illegal logging business is a success."