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Joke of the Day

"I've been leaving a dollar in every book I read my entire life for my kids to find when it's my time to go. I'm already up to like 3 bucks."

"I can never talk to my Dad at breakfast because he still reads newspapers. I guess you could say he's behind The Times."

"Q: What do you feed an invisible cat? A: Evaporated milk."

"Keanu Reeves watching a Keanu Reeves movie trying to figure out how he's in two places at once."

"What did the bear do to be labeled a hipster? He hibernated in the summer."

"How is a moil like a mashgiach? (How is the person who circumcises infants like the person who inspects kosher restaurants?) Their job is to make sure there's no cheese on the meat!"

"""How fast can you hack into the system!?"" ""20-25 minutes."" ""You've got 10 minutes!"" ""Okay, well then I can't."" - real life spy dialogues"

"What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist bastard. What else would it be? (Courtesy of ""True Detective"" screenplay writers)"

"What did the salesman at footlocker say to the customer? Shoes wisely"

"Missing socks When you lose a sock in the wash or laundry hamper, the one that's left becomes more human than you know. It's looking for its sole mate."