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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot, you racist bastard. What else would it be? (Courtesy of ""True Detective"" screenplay writers)"

"[on a first date] ""Have [gestures across the whole menu] whatever you want. I hear the McRib is particularly excellent this time of year."""

"Anxiety: making it impossible to tell the difference between a minor problem and a catastrophe since the development of the frontal lobe!"

"How is marriage like a tornado? At first there is a lot of sucking and blowing, but when it's over your house is gone."

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a pencil."

"*Bursts into bank* Robber: THIS IS A ROBBERY. HANDS UP. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. Bank clerk: No that's clearly a shotgun 2nd robber: OOOH SNAP!"

"3 database admins walked into a nosql bar A little while later they walked out because they couldn't find a table"

"How soft is Bill Gate's pillow? Microsoft."

"You can chew on the end of the pencil But you can't erase the tooth."

"I'm not saying the police are over zealous but I was arrested yesterday for singing ""come on baby light my fire."" They said it was inflammatory."