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Joke of the Day

"""How fast can you hack into the system!?"" ""20-25 minutes."" ""You've got 10 minutes!"" ""Okay, well then I can't."" - real life spy dialogues"

"I was walking through the cemetery.. Saw a guy crouching behind a tombstone. I said, ""Morning.."". He said, ""No. Taking a shit."""

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in a pile of leaves? Russel."

"Fog is like lingerie for the sky."

"I like to name my hotdog ""The Moment""... ...so I can relish it"

"Know how drunk girls go out of their way to insist how sober they are? The same rule applies to a guy who always talk about how ""big"" he is."

"Me: *breaks down door Wife: WTF ARE YOU DOING? M: HOME INVASION! W: OMG stop breaking our house when you want sex. M: Soooooo W: No"

"3 guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a steep hill he finds that the brakes..."

"My friends think I'm weird for sleeping with a full size body pillow It's just a lot more rare to find a dead midget."

"The ending for Toy Story 3 only Andy sells his toys to get weed money and makes a bong out of Mr. Potato Head."