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Joke of the Day

"I can never talk to my Dad at breakfast because he still reads newspapers. I guess you could say he's behind The Times."

"Friend: Be adventurous in the bedroom, girls love that [Later in bedroom] Me: You like that? *Lays another bear trap* You like that babe?"

"What do you tell a girl with 2 black eyes? NSFW Nothing! You already told that bitch twice."

"I was in Ferguson last night and got jumped by 5 black guys! The car started right up, they just said it just needs a new battery. What nice gentlemen i thought to myself."

"Parenting Pro Tip: If a 5 year old says he needs a potty stop, or he's going to take a dump in the minivan, he's not making idle threats"

"Waldo is probably horrible at responding to texts."

"Whats a similarity between dogs and teenagers The girls are all bitches"

"A man stands over the coffin of his deceased wife. ""Her star sign was cancer you know"" he says. "" I guess it's ironic..."" ""That she was killed by a giant crab."""

"My favorite thing at the Chinese buffet is the chicken balls But man, those must have been awfully big chickens!"

"America will suffer if Trump becomes president... You could say we're going toupee for it"