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Joke of the Day

"How do you make an elephant float? Take one elephant, two tons of ice cream, and one ton of soda. Blend."

"I'd love to hear an actor honestly answer the ""How did you prepare for today?"" red carpet question with ""Cocaine and sit ups."" #GoldenGlobes"

"Did anyone lose a roll of twenties wrapped in a rubberband? I found the rubberband!"

"I have always wanted to start a brand of Christian themed lollipops and call them Catho-licks."

"What is the name of Woody Woodpecker's girlfriend? Suzie Splintercunt."

"""Speak softly and carry a big stick."" -- Teddy Roosevelt ""Yell loudly and talk about the size of your stick."" -- Donald Trump"

"I saw a kidnapping this afternoon.. so i woke i'm up. Hahaha"

"A magician is walking down the street He turns into a store"

"What does a man with two left feet wear to the beach? Flip-Flips."

"I went up to this fat bird in the pub last night... ""You're a big lass, aren't you?"" I said. ""Tell me something I don't know,"" she replied with a tear in her eye. ""Salad tastes nice."""