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Joke of the Day

"I'd love to hear an actor honestly answer the ""How did you prepare for today?"" red carpet question with ""Cocaine and sit ups."" #GoldenGlobes"

"How do you make a hormone? You pay her. (This was told at my pharmacy school. We laughed and then felt shame afterwards.)"

"My english teacher was a fan of CAPITAL punishment. She despised small letters"

"Why should you bring two Mormons with you when you go fishing? Because if you only bring one, he'll drink all your beer."

"People named Thomas, your nickname isn't ""Thom"" it's Tom. ""Thom"" thounds sthupid and prethenthiuos."

"Jesus sits down at the Last Supper with his disciples. He rises and addresses them: ""I'm the son of God."" ""No way!"" they say. ""Yahweh."""

"Raccoons are like hobos, they live outside plus they don't like being shaved while they're eating."

"Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and they stink."

"Getting carried away is usually fun, unless it's by a truck."

"Don't you hate it when you call a plumber and all he does is eat mushrooms and kill your turtles?"