22705

Joke of the Day

"Her: Welcome to McDonalds sir, may I take your order? Me: *hands her a shovel with mouth agape* ALL. THE. FRIES."

"""There will be snacks."" - someone successfully convincing me to do anything"

"*family meeting at Noah's house* who wants us to do what by when?"

"The hardest part about being a kick ass dude is wiping the poo from your kick ass boot after a hard day of work."

"What is an army of blue babies on horseback called? A navy infantry cavalry"

"Me: A coworker called me 'Papa Hemingway' today. Her: Because of your beard? Me: Well it wasn't because of my Nobel in Literature."

"I'm lactose intolerant, too. Do the pills work for you? It's a crap shoot."

"I fell off a 50 foot ladder yesterday. Luckily I was on the bottom step."

"A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, ""We don't serve food here."""

"Why did Jose push his wife off the cliff? Tequila..."