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Joke of the Day
"Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel prize? Because he was out-standing in his field."
Next Joke
"I've reprogrammed my FitBit to allow for more me time. And by reprogram, I mean I've attached it to the leg of a deer. I was born to run."
"2 atoms walk into a bar One atom says to the other, ""Oh no, I've lost an electron!"" The other asks ""Are you sure?"" To which the atom replies, ""I'm positive!"""
"Ever hear about the Mexican Train Killer? I heard he had locomotives."
"One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk"
"Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices"
"My friend was talking about how he sleeps when its dark around. So I'd advised him not to join the basketball team."
"Conversations with my pets: Me: Please could you Dog: OF COURSE! Me: I haven't said what it Dog: I LOVE YOU! Me: Please could you Cat: No."
"Why are cats longer in the evening than they are in the morning? Because they're let out in the evening and taking in in the morning !"
"What happens when you drop a hand gren-egg ? It eggs-plodes !"