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Joke of the Day

"You know what's pretty cool? A cellar :)"

"Why did the privileged white guy fail his algebra test? He didn't know enough about inequalities"

"Donald trump isn't a wight supremacist... he IS an orange supremasist"

"Nostradamus's childhood Kid Nostradamus asks his mom: ""Mom, what's for dinner?"" ""Like you don't know, you little prick!"""

"A platypus went into a hotel owned by a duck.. ..A platypus went into a hotel owned by a duck. Platypus ate food. Duck billed platypus"

"If I say, ""Don't worry, I'm on it,"" there's a 98% chance I'm referring to my couch."

"My horoscope read ""You're going places and you can't be stopped."" Apparently the cop who gave me a ticket hadn't read it."

"A Halloween Limerick A lady vampire named Mable Had a period that was awfully stable. So once a full moon She took out her spoon And drank herself under the table."

"And I don't want to hear people from imaginary places like Finland telling me that 57 degrees isn't cold, save it for the elves, Santa"

"[2 Years into Cosmetology School] Me:[applying perfect contours] When are we gonna start learning about space?"