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Joke of the Day

"I touch myself when I think of you. It's a facepalm, but I am thinking of you."

"What do you call a dinosaur FBI agent? A pteredacted."

"What's the most confusing holiday in the hood? Father's day."

"They say people couldn't have everything because they don't have enough space to put it, I say 'everything' includes a bag with infinite space so I can put everything in easily."

"I like to make things awkward at family gatherings by walking up behind each person and whispering 'I know what you did last Christmas'"

"My girlfriend and I were practicing safe sex... i told her sex with a condom on doesn't usually feel as good. she pulled it off"

"DR DOG: Please remove your shoes & step on the scale PATIENT: Ok DR DOG: I'll be right back *carries the shoes out of the room in his mouth*"

"Apparently Trump wants to outlaw pre-shredded cheese... ...he keeps going on and on about how he wants to make America grate again..."

"Why Did Hitler Quit Drinking? It made him angry."

"Virgins So a guy makes a joke in front of a bunch of virgins. No one gets it."