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Joke of the Day

"I went to a poltical one handed-people-demonstration ... and it was horrible, about 50% of them had no rights!"

"My wife is divorcing me, apparently she is sick of all my flower puns... I asked her ""Where's this stemming from petal?"""

"What does Tammy Wynette do to beat the heat? Stands by her fan."

"I once had sex on a camping trip... It was fucking in-tents"

"Laughed hysterically and said ""Oh yes, please do"" after the pizza shop guy asked if he could put the sauce in my box. I think I scared him."

"Wearing crocs is like being blown by a dude... It feels great until you look down and realize that you're gay."

"Do cute firemen still come when a cat is stuck in a tree? Only in case of fire? Fine. But pretty sure my cat won't like being set on fire."

"Whats a printer's favorite sandwich? A paper jam sandwhich"

"I found a 1,700 yard rock the other day.... It was a real milestone."

"As I was paying the cashier for my Christmas tree, he asked ""Are you going to put that up yourself?"" No you sick fuck, I'm putting it up in the living room."