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Joke of the Day

"As I was paying the cashier for my Christmas tree, he asked ""Are you going to put that up yourself?"" No you sick fuck, I'm putting it up in the living room."

"Boyfriend and Boy friend..... See that little space between the second one? Thats called the friend zone!"

"Him: Wanna bump uglies, baby? Me: Ooh, yes please! * Grabs two ugly people and starts smacking them against each other. *"

"I Decided To Learn How To Write Clickbait Titles. What I Learned Will Amaze You."

"A feminist grammar-nazi's favourite joke (NOT a mean joke) A woman without her man is nothing! ""Wait, that's not quite right!"" A woman; without her, man is nothing!"

"What's the difference between a Dutch oven and a German one? The type of gas used."

"I know two wrongs don't make a right, obviously. But how many does it take? I'm like on 756."

"Mountain ranges aren't funny They're hill areas."

"Eye of the tiger. Nose of the lion. Mouth of the lynx. Ear of the bobcat. Throat of the cougar. Forehead of the ocelot."

"Assuming makes an ass out of u and Ming, the thai food delivery boy who you assumed was from Thailand but is actually Chinese."