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Joke of the Day

"Used a bag to pick up dog shit in yard, tiny ants all over it. Later, saw 2 ants on my arm. My body is now crawling w phantom dogshit ants."

"You can tell Tim Horton's is a Canadian franchise, because my donut just apologized for making me fat."

"I was just told that my dog chased someone on a bicycle and bit him. That's bullshit, my dog can't even ride a bicycle."

"Me and my brother went to a homosexual Chinese restaurant. We both ordered 'the cream of sum yung gui'"

"First Time Around What do you call your first time masturbating? A first hand experience."

"Don't give the homeless money. They'll just use it on sharpies and cardboard."

"Guess what? Chicken Butt."

"A dozen fish are in a tank. Then one proclaims: ""Can anybody drive this thing?"""

"[at party] friend: is dave coming? me: cool dave or dave who likes watering holes & has amnesia? Dave: well, well, well..who do we have here"

"My walk of shame is leaving a handicapped restroom stall while trying not to make eye contact with the wheelchair guy who was waiting on me."