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Joke of the Day

"If there's ever a zombie outbreak, it should happen in Las Vegas Because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas."

"I'm not gonna partake in this ""I hate Monday morning"" thing because I hate all work days equally."

"Gay people make me sick I should really stop deepthroating them so hard..."

"""outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend"" ""inside of a dog, its too dark to read""-Groucho Marx"

"If the doorbell rings, its normal to drop, shimmy across the floor, press your body to the wall & not breath till the person is gone, right?"

"Q: Where did the kittens go on a class trip? A: To the meow-seum."

"How do you stop guys like Donald Trump from saying racist things? You muzzle 'em."

"if daniel day-lewis dies the doctors will hav to make extra sure he's dead. he may just be acting dead and no one woud ever kno"

"Today is the day when Marty Mcfly was supposed to arrive in the future and we still don't have hoverboards! I bet you that Michael J. Fox is just sitting at home shaking with anger"

"My girlfriend told me that if I were a tree, she'd want me to be a Christmas tree so she could spruce me up I told her she'd probably be a huge birch"