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Joke of the Day

"If the doorbell rings, its normal to drop, shimmy across the floor, press your body to the wall & not breath till the person is gone, right?"

"""Hands up, don't shoot!"" cried the protester ""Take what you want, just don't kill me"" whimpered the store manager, dropping his gun and ending the terse standoff."

"What do plums and bunnies have in common? They're both purple, except bunnies...bunnies aren't purple :/"

"I haven't seen any new Bigfoot pictures in a while... I hope he's ok."

"*toddler screaming in car seat* Husband: Sounds like someone needs a nap when we get home. Me: I know. Totally. Wake me up around 4?"

"""Is Pepsi OK?"" - World's worst drug dealer"

"Two pigs robbed a bank. Why were they caught so quickly? They squealed on each other."

"I just found out they have Canadian Jeopardy It's almost the same, only your answers must be in the form of an apology."

"My Grandparents bought a new China set... They asked me what I thought of it... I said it was fine..."

"What do u call a girl having no boyfriend?"