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Joke of the Day

"if daniel day-lewis dies the doctors will hav to make extra sure he's dead. he may just be acting dead and no one woud ever kno"

"My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction."

"So Mary and Joseph finally consummate the marriage Joe checks the sheets, turns to Mary and says, ""You really expect me to believe God broke your hymen?"""

"It's like Grandma used to say, ""All men are hilarious, until you marry one."""

"I hate it when.. I hate it when my black friend disappears in the dark, My white friend in snow, My Chinese friend in sand, And my Middle-Eastern friend in drone strikes."

"I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works."

"Cigarette: Hey buddy. Me: I don't smoke anymore. Cigarette: But buddy. Me: NO. Cigarette: Buddy? Me: You do make a good point. Fine."

"How do you have a mustache without people calling it a pedophile mustache? Just have a little square under the nose."

"What goes dot dot dash squeak ? Mouse code !"

"What's the difference between Bono and Jesus? Jesus didn't walk around Dublin acting like he's Bono."