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Joke of the Day

"The gingham is holding a grudge because burlap and seersucker didn't invite corduroy to their party. Social fabric is complex."

"I haven't been doing so well at the poop assembly line... My manager said if I don't pull my shit together soon I'll be fired."

"My girlfriend said, ""We should make love like they do in the movies."" So I shoved my dick in her ass and came on her face. She got upset. Apparently we watch different movies."

"Just pulled up next to a car identical to mine & accidentally made eye contact with the driver. I think that means we have to race on green."

"My wife: ""What are you doing?"" ""Having an argument on Twitter"" ""With a man or woman?"" ""A lamp."""

"Justin Bieber should thank Elton, Adam, and Ricky for making his closet a walk-in."

"When God created china he knew he would never have to make anything else again....."

"All of Jesus' disciples were big and muscular Because Jesus was their whey"

"So I met a Jewish girl at the bar last night... [NSFW] She asked me for my number so I wrote it on her arm. Haven't heard from her since..."

"What did one snowman say to the other? Smells like carrots!"