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Joke of the Day

"If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're invulnerable."

"It's called a runway. But you taxi there. In a plane. Go home English, you're drunk."

"I heard Plexiglass coffins are making a comeback, but... Remains to be seen."

"What cheese is used to block online streaming? Edam"

"How did we even waste time before Twitter?"

"People that have their kids on a leash get very defensive when you pet them."

"*mugger walks up* GIMME EVERYTHING YOU GOT! *mugger slowly walks away with $2.16 and a lifetime of anxiety & existential misunderstanding*"

"Why isn't there a neutron mod in the Skyrim Steam Workshop? Because there'd be no charge."

"[my 1st day at press conference sign language translator job I lied on my resume to get] ME: *does Madonna's Vogue choreography for 45 min*"

"When I was getting a prostate exam, I asked the doctor where I should put my pants.. ""Over there, beside mine"" was not the answer I was expecting."