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Joke of the Day

"I haven't been doing so well at the poop assembly line... My manager said if I don't pull my shit together soon I'll be fired."

"My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex's car."

"I like my enemies how Americans like their tea Weak."

"Let he who is without sin throw the first stone. After that we'll go by who has the birthday closest to today, then by height."

"apparently math tests aren't like pregnancy tests and peeing on them IS FROWNED UPON IN THIS ESTABLISHMENT."

"My nine year old's yo momma joke Yo momma so fat her patronus is a cake"

"Security: Animals aren't allowed in this art gallery, sir. Me: It's my guide dog. Dog: Picasso, born 25/10/1881, was a Spanish painter..."

"Did you hear the one about the iphone 7 headphone jack? [Removed]"

"I always give away all my dead batteries ... ... free of charge."

"So this blonde walks in to a computer store... ... and says to the employee; have you got any curtains? Employee says; um no sorry this is a computer store Blonde; duhh, I have windows."