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Joke of the Day

"My wife: ""What are you doing?"" ""Having an argument on Twitter"" ""With a man or woman?"" ""A lamp."""

"Explosive knock knock joke ""Knock knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""Allah"" ""Allah who?"" ""ALLAHU AKBAR!"""

"I don't know what's longer: a microwave minute or a treadmill minute..."

"Take me down to the paraphrase city. Where it's nice."

"How do you kill a hipster? Drown them in the main stream."

"Where do Bees use the bathroom? At the BP station. (thanks grandma)"

"Ignoring your text is easy. It's having to park my car 8 blocks away so you think I'm not home when you drive by that's awkward."

"The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize."

"I was just watching some porn and I've got to tell you, I don't think those girls were REALLY studying before they started fooling around."

"I'm Thirsty! Hey Thirsty, I'm Friday. Wanna go out on Saturday for a Sunday? ^I'm^sorry"