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Joke of the Day

"I like my Coffee like I like my women Without a penis."

"When a bird poops on you, it's also peeing on you, because they do both at the same time. So remember: you're a TOTAL bird toilet."

"me: how was your camping trip 5 y/o: good me: what'd you guys do 5 y/o: camped"

"The jumper I got for Christmas kept picking up static electricity so I took it back to the shop and exchanged it for another one free of charge."

"Executioner: final words? Executionee:Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Er: you done? Ee: didn't buy me as much time as I thought actually."

"Why does Wally (Waldo) always wear stripes? Because he doesn't want to be spotted! I'll let myself out."

"ME: ""Trick or bear?"" NEIGHBOR: ""Bear?"" ME: ""HE HAS CHOSEN THE BEAR!"" [distant roar and sounds of clanking chains]"

"What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator? A huge mess."

"Fecophilia Man, fuck that shit."

"I like my women how I like my golf scores... Low 80's with a slight handicapp"