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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you put a number 1 and a number 2 on your calculator? A huge mess."

"Why did the duck leave his flock? Because he wanted to be a-loone."

"I found my dad sniffing my sister's underwear. It wouldn't have been that awkward had she not been wearing them at the time."

"What's the difference between a beaver and a deer? The deer has a bigger beaver"

"What dog wears a white coat and does science experiments? Labs!"

"I entered what I ate for lunch into my calorie counting app and it uninstalled itself."

"Me: I cant tell you how to do everything. You need to figure out how to do things on your own 5yo: Ok Me:. 5yo:. Me:. 5yo: How do I do that?"

"I saw santa fucking my mom. To get back at him i decided to poison his cookies. Somehow the bastard found out and killed my dad."

"How do you make a small fortune out of horses? Start off with a large fortune!"

"I dropped my ice cream cone on the ground and it landed pointy end up which made the Earth, at least for a moment, one giant topping."