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Joke of the Day

"When a bird poops on you, it's also peeing on you, because they do both at the same time. So remember: you're a TOTAL bird toilet."

"It is well known..."

"My friend seemed pretty offended when I implied that he might have stolen one if my Harry Potter trading cards. I think he took ""Umbridge""."

"In the 90's did the backstreet boys have a cafeteria? I mean a bacteria.Thank you ladies and germs."

"The fastest way to find out if your wife is just pretending to be asleep to avoid sex is to pick up her phone and start scrolling."

"How do mathematicians deal with constipation? They work it out with a pencil."

"A man walks up to two nuns and reveals himself to them, one had a stroke... ... the other couldn't quite reach."

"What do you call a singing laptop? A Dell"

"Why do geologists have children with birth defects? Because they practice relative dating!"

"To Doo List: 1. Cockadoodle 2. Yabba Dabba 3. Voo 4. Sea 5. Didgeri"