219808

Joke of the Day

"What's the bro-iest airport in the US? LAX"

"Matthew 28, John 20. Luke 24, Mark 21. That means Matthew and Luke will meet in the finals."

"I got this ""breathe"" tattoo because I don't have a central nervous system and it's a helpful reminder."

"There are few problems in life that can't be sorted by slowing down, taking a deep breath, and THEN drawing winged eyeliner on a raccoon."

"I don't have a pet so I decided to adopt the spider living in the corner of my kitchen. Her name is Monique. I hope she isn't knocked up."

"How many Roman pirates does it take to change a light bulb? I I"

"[Trump speaking at rally] I love this country. I love America. I love singing the *looks at smudged writing on hand* Strawbangled Panther"

"Alien: We've returned, show us what you built with our technology Egyptians: ... Aliens: ... Egyptians: ok don't be mad"

"Me: ""My elbow hurts."" WebMD: ""Elbow cancer."""

"""Ninja kills Mime"" Nobody heard about it"