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Joke of the Day

"Matthew 28, John 20. Luke 24, Mark 21. That means Matthew and Luke will meet in the finals."

"Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses only the highest-quality ingredients."

"Why do Mexicans cross the border in pairs? Because it's says ""No *Tres*passing."

"Why are locksmiths in Japan cooler than the rest of the world's locksmiths? Because in Japan they're rocksmiths. "

"I text my wife tonight, ""Honey, I'm going to stay in the bar another hour with my friends for another pint..."" ""...if I'm not back in an hour then read this message again."""

"What does seven days without exercise make? One weak!"

"What did the black guy see when he went down the roller coaster? His upper lip."

"Just seen a midget struggling carrying a TV to his car. I said "" You need a hand with that flat screen mate?"" He said ""Fuck off dickhead, its an ipad"""

"Why don't they sell aspirin in the rainforest? Because it would be economically unviable to market a pharmaceutical in such a vastly unpopulated area."

"My mate Gav overdosed on heart burn tablets I cant believe Gav is gone."