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Joke of the Day

"How can you tell the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him? The picture doesn't scream when you hang it."

"classical music sounds really fancy and proper for something composed by guys who threw a bucket of their turds out the window every morning"

"Sir, on a scale of 1 to drunk, where would you say you stand? I'll sit"

"You can use lemon juice to get the goat's blood out of the drapes. #householdhints"

"My dick was in the Guinness book of World Records Until I got kicked out of the library :("

"""You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."" - neighborhood drunk"

"*puts crime-scene photos in a rocket* Ok stand back ""Detective, what are u doing?"" What does it look like, I'm launching this investigation"

"Gave my German friend a hit of my joint... He said, Danke."

"I'm not into phone sex, the cord always gets stuck in my ass."

"Sarcasm : Because life doesn't come with a free ""stay out of jail card"""