207921
Joke of the Day
"""You miss 100% of the shots you don't take."" - neighborhood drunk"
Next Joke
"How is Harrison Ford like the Reddit admins? Both should have said no to the latest update."
"My boyfriend got pissed because I didn't swallow. Is it my fault I have a nut allergy?"
"BREAKING: 30 people feared soothed in Yankee Candle fire."
"Why do they call me the fireman? Cause I turn on the hoes"
"Someone told me flowers had sex organs... ....what a load of Poppycock!"
"[home depot] employee[yelling]: YOU CAN'T DO THAT IN HERE me: [yelling over the sound of revving chainsaw]: WHAT"
"What's your crappiest Pick-up attemp? Me: ""Hey, how much does a polar bear weights?"" Her: o.O ""Wut...idk"" Me: ""Enough to break the ice, I'm NuComer, how you doing?"""
"Me: Will you- Hubs: No Me: Can you- Hubs: Nope Me: Are you- Hubs: Oh no Me: Sex? Hubs: Yes Me: Oh hell no..... Communication is important."
"My new dentist asked me if I gag easily. ""No, I'm a professional,"" probably wasn't the answer he expected."