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Joke of the Day

"You can use lemon juice to get the goat's blood out of the drapes. #householdhints"

"Asked my friend who works at the tampon store if he could get me a discount He said he'd pull some strings."

"What did the urologist say to his physician before he hired him? URINE. I'll let myself out."

"Making a list of all the people who wrote ""Happy Birthday"" on my wall without an exclamation point so that I know who's secretly mad at me."

"I'm not sure if I have constipation or diarrhoea. I'll find out by a process of elimination."

"George R.R. Martin writes Game of Thrones books... ...and makes a killing out of them."

"Dear Diary: Day 1 of being a gang member. Wore a bandana today, but took it off after a woman shouted ""you go girl!"" from across the street."

"Schrodinger's Pussy... There may or may not be a dick in the box."

"Don't tell me I don't know the difference between right & wrong. Wrong is the fun one."

"Breaking News....Explosion at Cheese Factory De-brie everywhere!"