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Joke of the Day

"Why was Shakespeare always a good teammate to have? Because no matter the sport, he would always play write"

"I was dismissed from my responsibilities as church usher because I kept using finger guns to point out available seats. * pew pew *"

"I called my Colectomy surgeon's office... To check on my appointment. A man with a Russian accent answered the phone saying, ""Thank you for colon."""

"For valentine's day, I'm taking my wife to see ""50 Shades"". How long is the movie? I need to know what time to pick her up."

"What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus? The police made him bring it back again."

"A local establishment wants to press charges on me for getting an erection on their property. Luckily for me, they have no hard evidence."

"What's the difference between the US election and sex? During sex it's fun to choose between asshole and cunt."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Ann ! Ann who ? Ann-onymous !"

"""This is not fair!"" - Russian guy realizing he got bad directions to the fair."

"What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming."