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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between the US election and sex? During sex it's fun to choose between asshole and cunt."

"Ayn Rand, Rand Paul, and Paul Ryan walk into a bar... The bartender serves them tainted alcohol because there are no regulations. They die."

"Twitter is an invention created by aliens so we don't notice the period of time missing when they take us for experimentation."

"Friend: What happened? 15yo me: *arm in a sling* Got hit by 2 buses. Friend: What happened? 37yo me: *in a full body cast* I sneezed weird."

"Are You From Boston? Because you're the bomb..."

"This motel room smells like despair. Or is that my deodorant? The tuna sandwich, maybe. This hooker? My jeans? I bet it's my jeans."

"I just tried to kill a spider with hairspray. He's still alive, but his hair looks outstanding."

"This afternoon I just relaxed on the couch and masturbated. The psychiatrist took a lot of notes."

"Wrong Hole! - a love story"

"What did 2 say to 3 about 6? Oh don't mind him, he's just the product of our times!"