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Joke of the Day

"I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?"

"You have to admire husband's focus as he plays on his iPad while I furiously chop carrots tapping out ""I hate you"" in morse code w my knife."

"Have you seen that old movie about the KKK? I hear it's a real cult classic."

"Just found an inch-long hair growing from my earlobe. Does this mean I can finally join the X-Men?"

"[maintains eye contact while slowly rearranging the dishwasher]"

"At first I was shocked by how graphic the sex scenes in Rise of the Planet of the Apes was.... Then I realized I was watching Interracial Gangbangs part 7"

"How can you know a girl is from Japan? Her pussy is blurry."

"Can someone call me right now? I'm at the dog park and my ringtone is a doorbell."

"What do you call three hundred white guys chasing a black guy? The PGA tour."

"The Anesthesiologist has become Comfortably numb."