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Joke of the Day

"[notice son's not home] [text] Me: IT'S AFTER MIDNIGHT! I SAID HOME BY 11! 17: You were my ride. Me: Oh. Where are you again?"

"IT'S THE COPS. COME OUT WITH UR HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD. ""Bring out my bread? NO ABOVE UR HEAD ""Hello 911? Ducks are pretending to be cops"""

"Tasteless Joke (NSFW) Knock Knock, Who's There? Two Dead Babies"

"ovens are insane ""oh thats just my box of invisible fire i heat dead things in"""

"We all know what this means It's just 4 trumpets! Or ITS JOHN CENA Sorry."

"Wife: Talk sexy to me Husband: Commencing garment extraction W: Huh? H: Initiating trouser disengagement W: ... H: Removing unmentionables"

"""Help, I've lost the remains of an Egyptian pharaoh in a park in South London!"" ""Tooting Common?"" ""No, Neferkheperure-waenre Amenhotep IV."""

"What's the difference between a vampire and a cookie? You can't dip a vampire in your tea."

"What do hippies say when you tell them to get off your couch? Namaste"

"I saw a police helicopter last night... ""Hey look, a flying pig""."