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Joke of the Day

"""Help, I've lost the remains of an Egyptian pharaoh in a park in South London!"" ""Tooting Common?"" ""No, Neferkheperure-waenre Amenhotep IV."""

"I don't need a pair of underwear, I just need one clean underwear."

"I knew a shopaholic woman who routinely ended relationships. She couldn't pass up a good buy (good bye)."

"Is pikachu called pikachu because he always say pikachu or is he saying pikachu because he is pikachu?"

"You don't hear much from our Vice President.... Obama zipped him up and he's a-biden. Edit: typo. For you, grammar nazis."

"This looks like a job for Superman! -unemployed Superman reading the classifieds"

"What did the metric alien say ? Take me to your litre !"

"What's the difference between Jesus Christ and a picture of Jesus Christ? It only takes 1 nail to hang the picture of Jesus Christ"

"True Story: A guy at the supermarket walked up to me today and asked me if I was on twitter. I said no. If you're reading this, I lied."

"Why does Bernie Sanders use Snapchat? Damn E-mails!"