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Joke of the Day

"IT'S THE COPS. COME OUT WITH UR HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD. ""Bring out my bread? NO ABOVE UR HEAD ""Hello 911? Ducks are pretending to be cops"""

"Wife: The kids opened the ""private"" drawer in my nightstand. Me: THE drawer? Wife: Yeah. Great. There go our Oreos."

"Friendship: because I've said many dumb things & you acted like they were TED talks"

"Did you hear about the Doctor who fell down the well? He was taking a break at work and leaned too far over a well and fell right in! Guess he should have tended to the sick and left the well alone."

"If anything is used to its full potential, it will break."

"What are the bouncers called at a gay bar? Flamethrowers."

"Why are male bathrooms on the left, and female bathrooms on the right? Because no matter what, women are always right, even when they're full of shit."

"It's hard to get a lot done when you're busy having a snack every 15 minutes"

"What did the cake say to the Pie? ""That's sweet, ain't it?"""

"Want to hear a joke about toilet paper? Nevermind... it's tearable."