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Joke of the Day

"I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don't know if they're showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner."

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"Why do priests wear underwear in the shower? They don't like to look down on the unemployed"
"My wife with a hearing aid died RIP headphone users"
"Him: Damn, girl, are you a math textbook? Her: No, why? Him: 'Cause you have a lot of fuckin' problems."
"How many physicists does it take to change a light bulb? Two! one to change the light bulb and the other to rotate the universe!"
"Just completed a 0.00 mi run - preceded by 11 oreo cookies #RunKeeper"
"Soup Person1 my alphabet soup is telling me a message. Person 2 what is it saying? Person1: oooooo Person 2 *sigh* Those are cheerios"
"If an atheist vegan does crossfit... Which one do they talk about first?"
"I wouldn't want to live forever. I don't even want to stay at a party past eleven."
"A shocking new report reveals Donald Trump likes to be peed on by members of his new administration He calls it a Goldman shower"