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Joke of the Day

"Me: I have a date tonight. Friend: A guy coming over to install cable isn't a date. Me: *frowns* But I got a cheese platter...."

"Two in one **Dude**: My IQ is absolutely massive! **Guy**: IQ is a representation of your matriarchal heritage? **Dude**: Clever.. maybe my IQ that big after all **Guy**: Ah, *patriarchal* heritage!"

"What did the fish say when he ran into a cement wall? Dam. What did the dam say to the fish? Dumb bass."

"Beer nuts are so dang expensive... ...luckily deer nuts are just under a buck."

"What do you call a cow with three legs? Tri-tip. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with one leg? Steak. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef."

"What did the chauffeur say to the newlyweds as they passed the last rest stop? Speak now, or forever hold your piss."

"Anybody hear about those two car antennas that got married? Supposedly the wedding was alright but the reception was great ;)"

"People that are into beastieality. Are fucking animals."

"Hillary Clinton has been frequenting a new restaurant, reports say. I guess the main appeal of it is her own private server."

"What kind of cologne applies itself? Elon Musk"